A Very Percabeth Thanksgiving
by Cerulean Apocalypse
Summary: After eight years of dating, Percy still hasn't proposed. But now, he has a plan. On a very crack- filled, OOC Thanksgiving, will he finally ask the question? Not to be taken seriously.


Authors' Note: _This is highly unlike the stories we normally write, _**but we're trying to learn how to write fluff, so bear with us. **_**This is supposed to be a parody that makes fun of fluff. Percy, Jason (Because he's a Gary Stu) and Annabeth are OOC, but we're trying to make everyone else seem normal. **__We've never written anything in the romance category before, so please tell us if it sucks. We don't own __Percy Jackson and the Olympians. _**Don't take it seriously, **_that's why we put the 'parody' label on it._

A Very Percabeth Thanksgiving

Annabeth was totally and completely in love with Percy Jackson. And she was pretty sure he felt the same way. So why in hell had he not proposed yet?

Travis and Katie Gardner had gotten married when they were eighteen. Grover and Juniper had gotten married the year after that. Well, Grover was technically thirty-something then, but he was on the same level as Percy maturity-wise. Even Clarisse, the super-tough, pound-you-to-a-pulp daughter of the freaking war god, was married for a month now.

But Percy still hadn't proposed. They were twenty-four, and although that was a fairly young age to get married at, it was a little annoying to be the only one of their friends who wasn't married.

What was going on? Did he have a thing going with Rachel? Did he find some dumb blonde mortal girl with big boobs? Annabeth didn't like the dumb blonde stereotype, since she was blonde, but this was serious. When you're with a guy for eight years and he doesn't propose, what does it mean?

Little did she know that Percy had a plan…

..~0~..

"You have to help me!" Percy screamed into the phone.

"Okay, so let me get this straight. You need help proposing to the girl you've known since you were twelve and dated since you were sixteen. Why haven't you popped the question yet?" asked Frank, sounding completely bewildered.

"I don't know. It just never occurred to me that I had to do this big romantic gesture. And it was way too hard! And you've met Annabeth. She deserves that big romantic gesture. What should I do?"

"I don't know! Call Nico, he's got what, _ten _girlfriends?"

"I think it might be more," said Percy, "But he's younger than me, so that would be humiliating. It would destroy my pride."

"Yeah, that's true," admitted Frank, pretending to understand but really thinking that Percy was an idiot. "Why don't you just try and think of something yourself? Annabeth will appreciate it more if it comes from you."

"Wise words, Frank," said Percy, nodding his head sagely. (_A/N: I'm not really sure what this means, but it sounds good)_

Percy hung up the phone and sat on the couch of his high-rise penthouse apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

He looked at all the medals he'd gotten for swimming in the Olympics. _Di immortals, Jackson,_ he thought, _you can win a dozen Olympic medals, fight Titans, hellhounds, dracaenae, telekhines, literally go to hell and back, face medusa, a chimera, the Nemean Lion, defeat giants created specifically to oppose your father, breathe underwater, create hurricanes, survive a volcanic eruption, and hold up the freaking sky, but you can't propose to a girl you've know for…_ he stopped and counted on his fingers and toes,_ twelve years? What kind of hero are you? _

He slit his wrists a few times because he just felt so emo. Then, he had an idea. A way to propose to Annabeth, involving a ring, a turkey, his friends, and Thanksgiving, of course.

He felt really smart. _So this is how Annabeth feels all the time,_ he thought.

..~0~..

The plan required a guest list of about fourteen other people, besides him and Annabeth. So he made some phone calls. He called Nico first.

"Hey, Chicaaaaa," said Nico in what was supposed to be a sexy voice. "I was wondering when you'd call."

Percy felt really awkward. He didn't speak Spanish, but he was pretty sure that only girls were called 'Chica'. "Uh…"

"Oh, Percy, it's you. What's up?" Nico asked, sounding a little embarrassed.

"I just wanted to ask you if you could come for Thanksgiving at my apartment,' replied Percy.

"Annabeth's not cooking, is she?" asked Nico warily.

"No, I am. Are you coming? You can bring a guest if you want."

"No, thanks. I have a few girlfriends."

Percy hoped Nico was kidding, but he sounded serious. "Wait, you're dating fifteen girls?"

"And two fiancées. Yeah, I'm totally screwed."

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow." Percy hung up.

He called Grover next. "Hey, G-man!"

"Hi Percy. What's up?" Grover asked cheerfully.

"Do you want to come for Thanksgiving tomorrow?" asked Percy.

"Depends. Will there be vegetarian cooking?" asked Grover.

"Yeah. So I'll see you then?"

"Sounds good. Bye."

Percy called Travis and Katie next. "Hello?" answered another voice.

"Connor? Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me. I'm babysitting Falcon," explained Connor. "Travis and Katie went out."

It was a mystery to Percy why Travis and Katie named their four-year-old son Falcon, but he assumed it was because he had sharp vision. The kid could spot a ten dollar bill sticking out of someone's pocket from a hundred yards away. Percy had learned that lesson the hard way, since Falcon had inherited his father's liking of shiny things.

"So, do you, Falcon, Travis and Katie want to come over for Thanksgiving dinner?" asked Percy.

"Is Annie Beth cooking?" asked Falcon in the background.

"No, I am," answered Percy. Annabeth really was a horrible cook.

"Sure, we'll see you tomorrow," said Connor.

Percy called several others, including Leo and Piper, Jason and Reyna (Percy didn't like Jason much, but Reyna was his friend and he had to invite them both if he was going to invite Reyna), his mother and Paul, Rachel, and Frank and Hazel.

Then, he decided to go ring shopping. He spent a long, long time looking for the perfect one, but being Percy, a store-bought ring was somehow not good enough.

He decided to do something drastic: he called Hazel and asked her to go to the Underworld with him.

She listened to him with patience and understanding, and when he was done talking, she said:

"Percy, you know that's stupid, don't you?"

He sighed impatiently. "Okay, I know it's crazy, but—"

"How about I just do this?" asked Hazel. She closed her eyes and focused hard. She extended her hand and made a fist. From where she was standing, a couple of diamonds popped out of the earth.

"You're sure they're not cursed?" asked Percy hesitantly.

Hazel sighed. "What part of '_a descendant of Neptune shall wash away your curse'_ do you not get?"

"Oh. I knew that." They stood there, in the middle of Central park, while the mortals conveniently saw nothing. Percy sifted through them carefully. Suddenly, he found the perfect one: it was big, it glowed and it was gray like Annabeth's eyes.

"OMG, this is the perfect one!" shrieked Percy happily. "I'm so awesome."

Hazel looked at him carefully, hoping that the diamond wasn't somehow cursed with a stupid spell.

Suddenly, a insane-looking homeless man who looked a lot like Phineas came over and started yelling. "Shiny things! Shiny things!"

Percy punched him in the face because he was just so heroic.

"Oh, Percy, you're so heroic," said Hazel, swooning into his arms in a sarcastic way.

Percy's face turned cold. "No, Hazel, this is wrong. We're both in relationships with other people. This cannot be." He dropped her on the cold, hard ground.

"I was kidding!" yelled Hazel. "It's not nice to punch random insane homeless people just because they wandered near you! You're just supposed to ignore them and walk away quickly! What kind of New Yorker are you?"

..~0~..

When he was done, Percy went to the Roman camp to find Reyna. It was on the other side of the country, but he was Percy, so it didn't really matter. He saddled Blackjack and flew away.

"Hey Blackjack?" asked Percy after a while.

_Whassup, boss?_

"Remember when I first saw you on the Princess Andromeda? Well, Agrion was leading a black Pegasus mare onto the deck, and that was when I saw you. So what I'm trying to say is, shouldn't you be a girl?"

Blackjack was a little insulted. _Umm, I'm a stallion. That means men. I'm a man. _

"Clearly, not a human one," joked Percy. "It's like someone magically and conveniently changed your gender."

**(A/N: Don't believe us? Check the Sea of Monsters again.)**

_You know what, boss? Shut the fuck up._

"Dude, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were Arion."

_Don't talk to me about that jackass._

When they finally got to the Roman camp, Percy jumped out and went to find Reyna. He found Jason and Reyna making out in Reyna's praetor house.

"Hey, guys. I'm coming into your house to ruin your romantic moment because I'm Percy and I'm totally oblivious to people's feelings, except my own and Annabeth's" said Percy. He knocked the door off its hinges, just to show he could.

"Dude! Knock next time!" protested Jason.

Reyna looked really angry. "Percy. What. The. Hell. Is. So. Urgent. That. You. Need. To Interrupt. This." she said, trying to control her anger.

"I need some Imperial gold."

"You sound like Don the faun," Reyna grumbled. "What for?"

"To propose to Annabeth," replied Percy, as if this should be obvious.

Jason was confused. "How does sticking an Imperial gold sword in a girl's face a way to get her to willingly marry you? Anyway, I thought you were already married."

"What gave you that idea?" asked Percy. "And no, I need to make the gold into a ring."

Reyna sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "All right, I suppose we could spare a knife or something. But in the meantime, can you get the hell out of here? We were in the middle of something."

"Yeah, man. You're messing up my sex life," complained Jason.

"I'll go when I feel like it," said Percy. Then Reyna and Jason started making out. He ran away quickly.

Percy borrowed a golden knife from the armory. Then, he jumped back on his exhausted pegasus and made him fly back to Camp Half-Blood.

Somewhere near Texas, Blackjack fell out of the sky. Percy kicked him a few times, hoping to revive him, but no such luck. So he stole an ocean blue Ferrari with sea-green flames and drove back. Now, it's impossible to drive a car from Texas to Long Island, but since he was Percy, time and space made an exception.

When he got back to camp, he found Leo and punched him in the face. "What was that for?" asked Leo, looking ready to punch him back.

"Your face. It's not very beautiful, unlike mine." Percy tossed his head back, so that the golden sunlight caught his hair as it floated gently into place and his sea green eyes sparkled.

"Dude, what do you want?" Leo asked.

"I need you to make this into a ring for Annabeth," said Percy. "Oh, and use this," he tossed his the big gray diamond.

Leo would have preferred to burst into flame, but he owed Annabeth money, so killing her boyfriend wouldn't help him.

..~0~..

Percy learned how to cook from his mother. He was a total mama's boy, so he was proud of it. The guests started showing up at his apartment just as he finished stuffing his magic mushrooms. They weren't really 'magic' mushrooms, but magic mushrooms sounds cooler than stuffed mushrooms.

First, Leo and Piper showed up. Leo brought the ring, which looked beautiful.

The golden band was twisted into an intricate, swirling design. The central gray diamond was polished to perfection and was surrounded by tiny emeralds and white diamonds. The inside of the ring was engraved with a tiny heart that had Percy and Annabeth's initials carved in.

Piper brought pumpkin pie.

Then, Jason and Reyna showed up with several notes. One was from Thalia, wishing them Happy Thanksgiving and saying that she hoped he didn't die.

Another was from Kinzie, Hylla's assistant, to Percy, saying that she was still single. (Percy threw that one out the window).

The third one was from Octavian, saying that he foresaw grave omens in Percy's future, but he would be saved by a brave, handsome, smart, hero whose initials were probably o-c-t-a-v-i-a-n. Percy didn't know anyone like that.

Somehow, all the guests arrived and brought some dish Percy really didn't care about. Percy's mom started talking to his friends about how _cute_ Percy looked when he was little. Juniper started fussing over Percy's only plant, a swamp buttlebrush, which she claimed was deprived of water. Nico argued that the plant really wanted to just die, that the buttlebrush was a tree nymph named Bea, who attended Emo Night with him at the Emo Coffee Shop last week. Annabeth tried to help Percy cook, but he kicked her out of the kitchen so she wouldn't mess up his master plan. That made Annabeth really upset. She locked herself in the bathroom and began to cry.

"Seaweed Brain doesn't love me anymore!" she wailed, blowing her nose. The tissue she used wiped off some of her makeup. "Oh no!" she shrieked, and began to cry even harder. She tried to reapply her mascara, but her tears kept washing it off. "Seaweed Brain's not in love with me anymore, and he's not going to propose, and I'm going to die old and alone, just like me stepmother told me when I was 7! And I'm all out of MASCARA!" Annabeth curled up on the bathroom floor and continued crying.

Meanwhile, Falcon Stoll had decided to look at Percy's shiny collection of medals.

"Falcon," said Katie sternly, "don't you dare take anything!"

"I wasn't going to," protested young Falcon. "But Daddy is!" Katie turned around to see Travis and Connor examining a safe that Percy had in the corner.

"Travis Stoll!" she exclaimed. She began to scold her very embarrassed husband and brother-in-law. Meanwhile, Falcon wandered off to the kitchen, where Percy and Rachel were arguing about something.

"Percy, I'm telling you, it's a bad idea. I don't think Annabeth will appreciate being proposed to in that way."

Percy grinned confidently. "Of course it will, Rachel, you silly girl." He turned and saw Falcon, who was standing in the corner. "Falcon, never take advice from girls, they don't know anything. They're just not as smart as us men," he said wisely.

"But Mommy's a lot smarter than Daddy," said Falcon innocently. "And Rachel is always right."

"Aren't you just the cutest little thing!" gushed Rachel. She hugged the little boy. "Oh, and Percy: Please, please, please don't try it. I'm warning you, it won't end well."

"Okay," sighed Percy. Then, as soon as Rachel was gone, he did exactly what she told him not to do.

Meanwhile, Annabeth had gotten over her tears and reapplied her makeup. She tried asking Piper for lip gloss, but Piper had none. "What kind of daughter of Aphrodite are you!" exclaimed Annabeth, smacking Piper across the face.

"I just don't see the need to carry lip gloss 24/7!" Piper responded angrily.

..~0~..

Finally, Percy finished cooking and everyone sat down to eat. Suddenly, before anyone could say anything, there was a flash of silver and the goddess Artemis appeared. Except she didn't actually appear to be in her right mind.

For one thing, she was abnormally perky. For another, she was dressed in a super-tight black leather dress that barely covered her chest and came down to the tops of her thighs. "Hi, guys!" she exclaimed.

"Lady Artemis," said Rachel respectfully. She knelt and motioned for everyone to do the same. "Are you all right?"

"I think so," said Artemis thoughtfully. "Except… last night Apollo took me to a club. And there was something strange in the drinks. I mean, really strange. And I don't know why, but for some reason I don't hate men anymore. I love them! All I want to do is screw everything male! Nico, marry me!" she yelled, jumped into his lap.

Nico looked extremely embarrassed.

"Okay, well, I've gotta go. Bye!" called Artemis. She ran to the window and jumped out.

"Wait! Artemis!" yelled Grover. Juniper gave him a look, and he cowered in his seat.

"Well, that was… random," said Paul. "Does this happen all the time?"

"Only on holidays," reassured Hazel.

Finally, they decided to carve the turkey. Percy was very excited about this. Strangely, the turkey actually tasted good.

"What's in this?" asked Frank. Percy just sat there smiling. This immediately made everyone—except Annabeth—suspicious. Annabeth continued eating. Then, she started choking.

Several people pounded her on the back, trying to help her. Then, they tried the Heimlich maneuver, but whatever was stuck in her throat wasn't coming out.

"Percy," said Rachel, "You didn't do what I think you did, did you?"

"Uhh," said Percy, confused.

"Oh, gods. You did!"

They ended up having to call an ambulance to help Annabeth. As she was dragged away on a stretcher, Percy finally realized what he had done. "Oh, gods, I killed her!" he yelled worriedly. Thunder shook the apartment.

"It's all my fault," sobbed Percy. He looked at his friends. "Aren't you going to say that's not true?' he asked, looking around.

"But it is your fault, you idiot," said Jason bluntly. Everyone looked at him. "What? It's true!"

Travis stepped forward. "Percy," he began, grasping Percy's shoulder, "for once, we all agree with Jason."

Percy's eyes widened. "No. No. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. _**!"**_

Everyone just sat there in silence. Percy was tearing his hair out and crying. He was rolling on the floor, yelling and cursing himself out in Latin, Greek, and English.

"I can't believe I ever though he was better than me," Frank muttered.

"I can't believe that's my son," Sally said.

"I can't believe he defeated all those Titans," Conner added.

"I can't believe he hasn't turned blue," Nico said. That earned him some stares. "What? He's not breathing."

"We should probably take him to see a doctor," sighed Piper.

..~0~..

Meanwhile, on Olympus, the gods were watching Percy's epic failure of an attempt to propose. Poseidon watched with shame.

"Is there any way I can unclaim him?" he asked hopefully.

"No, there is not," Zeus responded. "Trust me, I've tried with Jason."

The two continued watching Percy freak out, until there came a knock at the throne room door.

"Come in!" Zeus called. "Poseidon, you're paying for the turkey this time!"

"Fine, fine. Poseidon was getting out his wallet when the door burst off its hinges. It was Athena. And did she look mad.

"Poseidon!" she screamed angrily.

_I'm doomed, _thought Poseidon.

"Your idiot son nearly killed my daughter," she informed him coldly.

"I know, I know," mumbled Poseidon, ashamed. "How about I pay for the turkey and we can all be happy?"

"That fixes nothing, you fool."

"Well, it wasn't really my fault. Percy's the idiot."

"No, actually you are the idiot. You weren't even supposed to have children anymore."

"But he saved us from Kronos."

"Right after he nearly destroyed the throne room, and brought that thing," she argued, poining to Bessie the Ophiotaurus, who was swimming around in the corner.

"Here we go again," Hephaestus muttered.

..~0~..

They all went to the hospital and sat there in silence for a while, waiting to see if Annabeth was okay.

Finally, a doctor came in to speak to them. "It's all right, you can see her now, she's fine," he said, shaking his head at the situation. "But only one at a time."

"I'M GOING FIRST!" yelled Percy, who was still crying. He ran up and shoved Rachel, who had gotten up, to the ground.

"All right, Mr. Jackson," sighed the doctor. "But I should tell you this: She choked on a ring that some complete moron decided to put in the turkey. She's probably going to be completely angry and demand to know who did it."

Percy started trembling. Oh no! What if Annabeth was… _mad_ at him? He was way too hot to be yelled at. Nevertheless, he sucked it up and walked into the hospital room. Annabeth was lying on the bed, looking up at the ceiling.

"I'm so sorry, Wise Girl!" sobbed Percy.

"Why are you sorry, Seaweed Brain?" asked Annabeth, sounding depressed. "I know I'm not good enough for you. I can't even eat turkey right! I don't deserve to live!" she wailed melodramatically.

"No, Wise Girl! Don't say that!" gasped Percy, grabbing her hand. "I love you, and I only choked you because I want to marry you!"

"Then why did you choke me?" she sobbed. It was like a bad soap opera.

Percy stopped crying and took a deep breath. He had to be a man. He had to be a man for Annabeth. "You choked on this," he said, holding out the ring. "I guess this isn't the best time to say it, but will you marry me?"

Annabeth gasped. "Oh, Seaweed Brain! It's beautiful! Of course I'll marry you!" She threw her arms around his neck. "This is the best Thanksgiving ever! Even if you nearly killed me!"

..~0~..

The End

Authors' Note: _As we hope you have realized, this is supposed to be an OOC crack fic. _**It was fun to write. **_**Please review. **_


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